So I am reading ‘Help!: How to Become Slightly Happier and Get a Bit More Done’ by Oliver Burkeman and I keep meaning to write about it but struggle with what to say. So, to keep it brief I liked his column and his general tone I suppose towards doing things to make your life better. The book is good and often helpful and is easily read as it’s in very small chunks and I like it and you should have a look AND it’s backed by science. His column is an excellent start point or if you have a Kindle get the sample bit sent out.
So. He has this bit on loneliness and how it makes us act in such a way as to make it worse. He quotes a scientist who says that
‘our genes and upbringing give us unique personal levels of vulnerability to the effects of isolation; we each have a different threshold for the connectedness we need in order to stay healthy. It works like a thermostat: much as physical pain serves as a warning, loneliness signals that we’ve fallen below our requirements. But we’re terrible at reading our thermostats,’
Which makes sense to me, some people are happy on their own and some people need to feel constantly connected. Anyway, I got around to that because it made me aware of my own feelings. I think that sometimes the feelings I associated with loneliness aren’t really that at all. It’s not that I am unhappy spending lots of time on my own, more that I’m used to it. I think now I’m getting better at using the time I more effectively, just not the evenings.
Like the last couple of weekends, I’ve spent Saturday out having lunch, reading my Kindle. It’s been nice, stopping, taking the time. Then I really appreciate the odd chats I have with K and when I do, it frequently makes me feel more connected.
I think that the feelings I did associate with it just come back feeling single. Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn’t. Dating websites still proving tricky. 14 messages sent and still not one reply. Still.
February 2, 2011