Online dating
I said I was going to write about how I had got on with online dating but was waiting for my month subscription to run out. So it ran out today and so here I am. I’ve done it before, a few times in fact, did meet someone nice once but for one reason or another that didn’t work out. The difference this month is the main thing that has changed has been my attitude towards it, right now I’m – for want of better words – in a better place. If it works out, it does and that would be nice and if it doesn’t, well it’s not the end of the world as I know it. Now if only everyone thought like that, but that’s getting ahead of myself.
Let’s start with some numbers from my 1 month with My Single Friend:
Messages I sent: 34
Messages replied to: 4
Number of messages unread: 18
Number of second messages: 0 (Replies to my replies)
Messages sent to me: 1 (And as a result, a single first date)
(Those numbers are wrong, replied should be 5. We’ll see about actual dates…)
Those are the numbers and a part of me wants to be quite negative about the whole thing. I’ve made a real effort this month. Jenn wrote a little bit on her blog about it too and referenced this post (a gal’s eye view: on online dating), the latter I read and think ‘surely these are things everyone should be doing’? Right? Photo, don’t lie, don’t use cliches, accept that you won’t get replies to every message, use grammar? Check. Check, etc. I wrote ‘personal’ messages but appear to have got little in return. To me the numbers seem pretty awful, I imagine though they are the norm – something I have no way of checking. Though, I was talking to someone yesterday and her take on it was that of, well just keep going that seems normal. So feel free to make of that what you will.
Except I’m not at the point where my search results are full of people I have messaged and so the people I want to message gets smaller and smaller. To the point where right now, it’s not many people at all and this month I’ve made an effort to widen the search as well. That’s the reason why I’ve decided to not pay for another month, I can cope with the lack of replies now but this next month seems like a waste of £22 when I could instead spend it on buying protein powder instead.
I think that I just wish that the people I had messaged would be willing to just take a chance. A couple of emails, a coffee and if that’s it, then so be it. Instead that doesn’t really happen, or at least it doesn’t appear to. I imagine there are reasons they chose not to reply, I just wonder if those reasons are perhaps little things that could be overcome?
Which is to say nothing of the almost 50% of the messages sitting unread because someone who hasn’t paid the subscription. There’s no way to tell who has and who hasn’t.
So yes. I don’t doubt good things could happen but it doesn’t seem like they have for me this time and at £22 a month (cheaper if you subscribe for 2 or 3 months) I would rather put that money towards something else. It may look like I’m admitting defeat but I think, to mind at least, there’s a difference between that and saying that I gave it a go and that’s enough for right now.
Am instead going to concentrate on Crossfit and eating right and trying to get back into regularly meditating and am looking forward to getting back into the routine of work. I’m just aware at the back of my mind that nothing will happen if I don’t make it. Though I promise to count to ten if someone says “something will happen when you least expect it” and won’t let it get me down. I believe that statement is true IF you’re able to take advantage of those situations.
Tl;dr – Went on dating site, made an effort, no success, so next month bought protein shake instead.
edit: I meant to mention talking to some girls about their experience of online dating. Theirs were completely different. They regularly got messages and one had 3 dates lined up. Bit. Disheartening.
August 19, 2011