Better.
It’s what I want to be. It’s the aim. Every day. Clearly some days I feel more aware of it, push myself on that little bit more. Crossfit fits into that somewhere, it’s a challenge but an organised one, lifting more, lowering times. Work does too, being a bit more organised, more focused. There’s life of course, pushing the social anxiety, wasting less time, doing more.
For the longest time I thought that I didn’t do things because I was too competitive, as I say it now it sounds like an excuse. A reason to not do things, to not challenge myself. There’s someone at the gym who I am competitive with, in the best possible way. We’re both aware we do it and for a time I was ahead and recently he’s stepped up his game and has been finishing before me. It spurs me on, makes me work a little bit harder. Today, I completed the WOD ahead of him. Yet, I didn’t feel like I thought I would. After I picked myself up, I cheered him on. I though I would feel better and I didn’t. We both worked as hard as we could. Just this time, it was my turn.
I realised, I don’t need to be the best out of everyone, or me and him. I need to be better, the best I can.
December 7, 2011