This is Omar’s blog

(I kind of know I don’t write so good, my problem is that I tend to lose interest in what I’m writing about. I don’t like getting bogged down in too much detail. Short, brief, that’s me.)

I’m not that social, I never have been. I’ve always tended to get on with most people, I’m easy going and have a high tolerance of ‘annoying’ people, a low threshold for forgiveness and a high threshold for getting angry. It’s just I get on really well with a relatively small number of people. I think that I’m just not someone who has lots of friends, I mean I do. For example I’m in touch with a very small group of people mostly and rarely go out in groups. Which has it’s benefits and it’s not-benefits.

Facebook puts me in the position of suddenly being in touch with lots of people I know and it’s the complete opposite of my everyday life. It makes me uncomfortable I think. I’m fine with having a small group of friends, I’m jealous of people who have bigger groups of friends. Opposite, but it just depends on how I’m feeling.

like the girls I like are like me.

Which means they aren’t going to come and talk to me.

And I’m not going to talk to them.

(The two of them were sat on their own, they were, they were just themselves.)

You know all those things you say you’ll do, if you just have the time. The slightly unimportant things that are first to get pushed aside. Slightly time consuming, requiring more focus then you are prepared to give. You know those things?

Or those things, you avoid doing day to day. Those ingrained avoidance tactics that make life that little bit ‘easier’. Avoiding talking to someone, or making that call. The ones you only realise you’re avoiding until after you do it. You know those things?

Yeah those things.

This week, I will sort out 50 photos to print out and I will talk to someone I would normally avoid (or not avoid, as in hold my tongue).

What are you going to do this week?

A leading psychiatrist says that depression is not a human defect at all, but a defence mechanism that in its mild and moderate forms can force a healthy reassessment of personal circumstances.
Dr Paul Keedwell, an expert on mood disorders at the Institute of Psychiatry, argues all people are vulnerable to depression in the face of stress to varying degrees, and always have been.
The fact it has survived so long - and not been eradicated by evolution - indicates it has helped the human race become stronger. link

There’s truth in there I think. There were times when I felt awful. For all the pain, I would never take any of it back. It’s such an important part of who I feel I am. I am definitely stronger for it.

And I know because I’ve heard talk.

The funny thing is that, before I’d spend all day doing ‘nothing’ when I had things I should have been doing and instead put off. Now that, there’s really nothing pressing to do, I’m having real trouble doing nothing. I’ve washed up and tidying a bit and put some things away. Currently at a loss.

(The last episode of season 3 of Prison Break was pretty damn good. Set up nicely for season 4. Joey has been having a Greys Anatomy marathon - he’s been through approximately 20 episodes in the last week. We are considering opening the single malt on the side by the microwave as well too.)

Still running regularly, am having a rest day, and our challenge continues to act as motivation. Though, not motivation for my diet. Which I shall endeavour to rectify this week. Starting tomorrow I think… Though, I’m going to try and talk Alli into going to pilates with me tomorrow. Which I’d really like to start doing regularly and in a class I think. I just need to work out the best way to do it. I could be a member and save a small amount or it might just be cheaper to get a gym membership but would possibly mean a contract - which I don’t want.

You know when, you watch a programme, tv, film, book or real life and someone realises that life’s too short, that the thing they are putting off, avoiding, ignoring is too important to - normally as a result of impending death, theirs or someone elses. Well you know when that happens and you think, that’s not going to happen to me, I will start to change right now. Then tomorrow you don’t. What’s up with that?

I was talking Chris and Jenn last night about working in an office, it’s interesting because it’s not something I’ve ever done. So I only have talking to people and watching tv to go on. I just thought that, more work would go on? Or is that just naive of me? I have a friend who said on occasion she doesn’t spend that much time actually working and other anecdotes of people temping and doing ‘ ‘days work’ in about 30 minutes. (secret’s safe). Things get done though don’t though? So is it an even issue? I don’t know, it just surprised me is all.

So many questions. I don’t even think i have a point, it’s just something that piqued my interest. My experiences are of jobs where I’ve not stopped, admittedly through my inability to stop as there was always something else to do. I mention it partly because now that i’m teaching, in contrast you can’t stop for the duration of the school day. That would have been 8:30 to a little after 3 at my last placement. As in, you just can’t for obvious reasons and lunch breaks are time to prepare for future lessons, have meetings, tidying and doing the things you can’t do with 25 children needing your attention.

This isn’t me complaining about the situation either, I like what I do (so far) and I can’t imagine me in an office. I had another moment in school today, during literacy in a year 4/5 class. They were writing stories based on Robin Hood, thinking about dialogue and the appropriate punctuation - “I needed a minor recap too,” he said. I was reading through one of the year 5 girls story and it occured to that I really love what I am doing at the moment. Yes, i’m finding doing supply stressful (so many phone calls) and being occupied all day is tiring, but there are times when being a teacher is just plain awesome.